The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. find out here now This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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